STUFF YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW,

OR LISTEN TO,

OR SEE,

 

.....SO GO BACK TO THE PREVIOUS PAGE

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

 

......Unfortuntely friends and relatives keep sending this stuff to me.

Norton Internet Security, Windows Defender & Ad-Aware SE Personal are used before putting any files on this site.

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The Dancing Baby

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VIDEO CLIPS

The Little Drummer Boy ............. Car 4, The New Citroen

Going Home Friday .......... Going To Work Monday

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The soon to be very famous "Sound Effects Chour".

Honda U.K. ad
http://84.40.3.164/

If the link does not work copy & paste the link into your Google browser then click "go".

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Look what I found on Sympatico/MSN Music.

Proving you can never really have enough cowbell. "Maximum Cowbell" hits the cowbell, hits it again, then isn't afraid to crank up the cowbell just a little bit more.

Enjoy 16 songs that will try to cure the insatiable desire in your ears for more cowbell...

Maximum Cowbell wayne stoute percussion

"Don't fear the cowbell. Once a herding tool for wandering beasts and later a percussion pariah, the humble rhythm tool is now hip. With the release of Maximum Cowbell, a 16-track collection of classic rock songs that employ its trademark hollow clank, the cultish fascination that began with a Saturday Night Live skit in 2000 grows."

—Brad Wheeler, "You gotta have more cowbell, baby," The Globe and Mail, April 6, 2006

Watch the Saturday Night Live clip that has reached cult status among fans and provided inspiration for cowbell lovers around the world. Featuring Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickinson.

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Sympatico-MSN Music Featured Artists

Check out Gino Vanelli, Graham Lear playing drums with Paul Anka (he used to play with Gino Vanelli & Santana), Nelly Furtado and many others.

"Live @ The Orange Lounge"

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PERSON'S GUIDE TO THE SATB CHOIR

In any chorus, there are four voice parts: soprano, alto, tenor, and bass. Sometimes these are divided into first and second within each part, prompting endless jokes about first and second basses. There are also various other parts such as baritone, countertenor, contralto, mezzo soprano, etc., but these are mostly used by people who are either soloists, or belong to some excessively hotshot classical a cappella group (this applies especially to countertenors), or are trying to make excuses for not really fitting into any of the regular voice parts, so we will ignore them for now.


Each voice part sings in a different range, and each one has a very different personality. You may ask, "Why should singing different notes make people act differently?", and indeed this is a mysterious question and has not been adequately studied, especially since scientists who study musicians tend to be musicians themselves and have all the peculiar complexes that go with being tenors, French horn players, timpanists, or whatever. However, this is beside the point; the fact remains that the four voice parts can be easily distinguished, and I will now explain how.

THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewellery, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half again as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them and that the composer and conductor are sadists. Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior. Altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins - nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place - it's so boring. Tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off. To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth - they sing too damn loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range - and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the F clef, anyway.

THE ALTOS are the salt of the earth - in their opinion, at least. Altos are unassuming people, who would wear jeans to concerts if they were allowed to. Altos are in a unique position in the chorus in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the other sections think their parts are pitifully easy. But the altos know otherwise. They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high A, they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses usually are too). Altos get a deep, secret pleasure out of conspiring together to tune the sopranos flat. Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better. They like the basses, and enjoy singing duets with them - the basses just sound like a rumble anyway, and it's the only time the altos can really be heard. Altos' other complaint is that there are always too many of them and so they never get to sing really loud.

THE TENORS are spoiled. That's all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them, and choir directors would rather sell their souls than let a halfway decent tenor quit, while they're always ready to unload a few altos at half price. And then, for some reason, the few tenors there are are always really good - it's one of those annoying facts of life. So it's no wonder that tenors always get swollen heads - after all, who else can make sopranos swoon? The one thing that can make tenors insecure is the accusation (usually by the basses) that anyone singing that high couldn't possibly be a real man. In their usual perverse fashion, the tenors never acknowledge this, but just complain louder about the composer being a sadist and making them sing so damn high. Tenors have a love-hate relationship with the conductor, too, because the conductor is always telling them to sing louder because there are so few of them. No conductor in recorded history has ever asked for less tenor in a forte passage. Tenors feel threatened in some way by all the other sections - the sopranos because they can hit those incredibly high notes; the altos because they have no trouble singing the notes the tenors kill themselves for; and the basses because, although they can't sing anything above an E, they sing it loud enough to drown the tenors out. Of course, the tenors would rather die than admit any of this. It is a little-known fact that tenors move their eyebrows more than anyone else while singing.

THE BASSES sing the lowest of anybody. This basically explains everything. They are stolid, dependable people, and have more facial hair than anybody else. The basses feel perpetually unappreciated, but they have a deep conviction that they are actually the most important part (a view endorsed by musicologists, but certainly not by sopranos or tenors), despite the fact that they have the most boring part of anybody and often sing the same note (or in endless fifths) for an entire page. They compensate for this by singing as loudly as they can get away with - most basses are tuba players at heart. Basses are the only section that can regularly complain about how low their part is, and they make horrible faces when trying to hit very low notes. Basses are charitable people, but their charity does not extend so far as tenors, whom they consider effete poseurs. Basses hate tuning the tenors more than almost anything else. Basses like altos - except when they have duets and the altos get the good part. As for the sopranos, they are simply in an alternate universe which the basses don't understand at all. They can't imagine why anybody would ever want to sing that high and sound that bad when they make mistakes. When a bass makes a mistake, the other three parts will cover him, and he can continue on his merry way, knowing that sometime, somehow, he will end up at the root of the chord.

nt

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Saving a Marriage

After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, Mom and Dad announced to their grown children that they're getting a divorce.

The kids were totally distraught and, as a stab at keeping their parents together, arranged a series of sessions for the whole family with a world-famous marriage counselor.

The counselor worked for hours, tried all of his methods and tricks, but the parents wouldn't even talk to each other.

Finally, he walked over to a closet, brought out a bass, and began to play. After a minute or so, the parents started talking and, as the counselor continued soloing on the instrument, the couple discovered they're not that far apart and decided to give their marriage another try.

The children were amazed and asked the counselor how he managed to do it. He replied, "Simple. I've never seen anybody who wouldn't talk through a bass solo."

nt

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VEDETTE : Personne qui travaille dur toute sa vie pour être connue, et qui porte ensuite de grosses lunettes noires pour ne pas être reconnue.

PESSIMISTE : optimiste qui a l'expérience.

js

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The Earth at night....it is a larg photo, copy it and zoom in to different parts of the world.

 

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Well... if you must have the best in home theatre equipment........

 

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On Getting Old :

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as
well dance.

 

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.

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Breast Drum Project by Marlene Hilton Moore

 

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West Indian people cannot be terrorists

Top ten reasons why West Indian people cannot be terrorists


1. 6:45am is too damn early for us to wake up.


2. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.


3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.


4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.


5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we were there.


6. We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons down.


7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.


8. We would argue and start a fight on the plane.


9. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.


AND MY FAVORITE


10. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield

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Orchestral disagreement:
Q: Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night ?
A: That was no piccolo, that was my fife.

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BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY*.
* Charlotte, North Carolina:

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then
insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on
the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In
his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued...and WON!

(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the
company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and
also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without
defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated
to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".


NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally
burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months
in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA!
NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS

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South African bush pilot's dilemma

 

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Sax Jokes


Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
There's no place to hide your drugs.
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What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?
The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.

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Kenny G gets on an elevator and says "Wow! This rocks!"

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Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?
Because he kept ignoring the key signature -- he thought it was a suggestion.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to comment on how David Sanborn would have done it.

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How many C melody sax players can you fit into a phone booth?
All of them.

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If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.

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What's the difference between a lawnmower and a tenor sax?
1. Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles.
2. You can tune a lawnmower.
3. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
4. The grip.

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